I see the humans are at it again. Lines of salt and iron horseshoes everywhere. It’s so cute that they still think that will help. I’ve been stepping right over it for months on my way into the house, but they keep trying. And you should hear them shrieking every time I visit. Does a cup of salt in your cookies really merit that much noise? Was all that crying really necessary over a couple of spoons greased with butter? Ok, so it was all the spoons. And the forks. And maybe a cleaver. But still.
This workshop now – there are all kinds of things I can get into here. So what’s on my agenda today? Ooh, just look at these tools! I think I’ll hammer all of their nails into the overhead beams. Have to make sure to bend them while I’m at it, so they can’t pull them back out again. And what else have we got? Hammer, wrench, pliers…and this round thing with the hole in it. I’m not sure why they left this out. It’s quite pretty. Dark grey and shiny, and *oof*…heavy.
I wonder what it does? There are layers and layers of it, but they’re all stuck together. Wait – there’s a little edge folded over right here. Goodness, it’s like they wanted me to mess with this. All I have to do is hold on to this little corner and push it over this ledge…
Wheeeee… Look at it unroll! Now I’ll just jump down so I can roll it towards… damn it, the end stuck to my back. Let me just pull it…WHAT THE HELL. I pulled it off my back just to get my arm stuck to it. What is going on?!? it’s rolling everywhere, and I can’t get it unstuck! HELP! It’s wrapped around my legs, and I can’t get it off my torso!!!
Ok, calm down. Think before you move. Maybe if I just roll over here…
I have been stuck to the wall for three days. I have never been so humiliated in my life. One of the short ones opened the door, saw me, and ran away laughing and screeching “Dad, you were right! Duct tape DOES fix everything!”
